I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
