i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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