is your mom at the bar?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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