We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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