In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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