if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
