I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
