So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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