Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
