Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
