captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
