We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If I die, sorry about rent.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
