Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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