Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
