Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
