dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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