She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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