im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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