its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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