He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
worst night to have a conscience
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
