she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
