how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
