no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
