flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
