HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
