Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
