Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
