hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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