My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
