I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
