Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
