I just threw up on my dentist
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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