At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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