He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
