She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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