I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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