Will you blow on my dice?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
