break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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