cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
