I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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