Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
