I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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