I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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