I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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