I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
