you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
