hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
