You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
