shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
