Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
