Jerry, you need to find god
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she peed on how many people?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
