Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
