conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
