Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
