WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
