i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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